Maryblackbonnet.com

The Poem everyone is looking for

Hello,  becuase of the map on my site, I can see what you are all looking for on my site.  Many have come looking for the poem I read: Heritage. So  I’ll post it here for you. Thank you for wanting it.

HERITAGE

Mary Black Bonnet

I come from humble beginnings,

from open fields and blue skies, weeds so tall they engulf you. From Unci and Ina’s voices, chickens in the yard, the sounds of yelling, laughing, crying, singing, fighting, whispering and talking.  From the clatter of dinner dishes, the metallic scratch-squeak of silverware on plates, the low rumble of a chair being pushed away from the kitchen table on a wooden floor.  I come from a cowboy who walked away and only looked back once. I come from horses and dust, Pow-wows and rodeos. I come from the ting and clang of a bottle being placed on a table, the same bottle that caused my removal.

I come from high cliffs that overlook a beautiful dwindling creek, from the sweet smell of purple clover, the gritty, crunch pop of sand in your teeth, the cringe inducing squeak and grind of horses clenching their teeth as they chew their grain. I come from the euphoric, heady smell of horse sweat, the squeak of new leather, dogs barking in the yard, sunsets that enlighten a soul.  I come from six children sleeping in a bed three at a time. I come from misguided parents who loved their children but didn’t always make the right choices.

I come from the pop and snap of tires on loose gravel, from four children being hustled into their coats with no explanation of our journey. I come from the tears that fell from my brother’s eyes as he placed me in a car, the kiss he planted on my soft baby cheek. I come from the stinging pain in his legs as he ran, as far and fast as he could to escape an event over which he had no control. I come from my mother’s soft voice and multi-veiled eyes, the cries she emitted when we were taken.  From the hate she felt for those who took her children.

I come from being a pawn in the US Government’s game. I come from the leftovers of a man my mother once loved and was devoted to. I come from being the baby everyone loved, from being Matowin, Bear Woman, from wornLevis and scuffed cowboy boots.  I come from naps in the back of a station wagon with my mother. From strong willed stubborn women, and equally stubborn men. I come from oppression, but endless love. I come from not having a clue as to who I was to becoming more of who I want to be everyday.

I come from a proud man who has his secrets and vulnerabilities. I come from a woman, now silenced forever, who passed me her talent to be warm and loving to all creatures.  I come from strong family ties that will never be broken.  I come from a long line of intelligent people, an indignation that’s in my blood. And I come from many more things I have yet to discover.

(Unci in Lakota means Grandmother; Ina means mother, Matowin means Bear Woman)

Clandestine Affair

Clandestine Affair

Mary Black Bonnet

I’m slowly regaining my passion

Getting my fire back.

I’ve been quiet now,

But not silent.

Burning from within

My belly fat with desire.

As I searched

for the balance

Between Motherhood

And my other, self.

Thinking the two could never meet.

One cradles the baby,

the other runs wild, naked, under the moon.

I fondle the cover of an art magazine,

Like a long lusted lover

Laying between the pages

my clandestine sheets

The words whisper knowingly

where have you been?

Oh it’s been too long.

A poets words touch me,

And I respond, every fiber of my being aroused.

I rise and resume my post.

Destiny clear.

Unquestioned

I answer the call.

In-sin-her-ation

Mary Black Bonnet

The government sinned on my mother

Extracting the cost from her children.

We pay the price.

Every year the cost gets higher.

Vacuous

Mary Black Bonnet

I’ve been saying

You have nothing I want.

Perhaps

Im wrong.

I want what I’ve always wanted.

To be seen, heard

Validated.

Not denied when I don’t agree

With you.

Not talked about as

if I’m the leper,

the liar

Not made to be the crazy one

Because I see

And speak the truth

Hated because I’m brave

Because I don’t perpetuate abuse

Because I won’t

Stay

In

My

Box.

Yes, I want something from you

But it is something

You cannot give.

Sadly,  you never could.

Orphan

Mary Black Bonnet

I belonged to someone once,

but she blew away.

She was kept in a bottle

and didn’t know why

She withered

in her lonliness.

Sorrow begat sickness,

Begat sorrow, begat sickness.

And so it went,

Until she left for good.

Never knowing,

not truly,

that I was coming.

That I still loved her

Still needed her.

Now, I’m left blowing,

hallow in parts.

Places,

I

can’t

heal.

No matter how hard

I try.

I NEED

To belong

To Someone.

imported journal entry

Sentence

Sending out lifelines

As I do your time

You’re the insane

But I sit in the asylum

Funny how my body

Always          pays

for your crimes

You trained me well

Despite my rebellion

The invisible chain

That jerks me back

Reminding me

I may never be free.

Badlands

This is just to say,

I’m wounded.

I’m bamboo tough

and righteously indignant

Any glint of your sword

I’ll shove you away.

And rarely, look back.

Too many people lay in the heap

wondering, ‘what the hell?’

Paying for crimes

they did not commit.

I become lawyer

judge

and jailer.

Yet warmly embrace,

the heinous perpetrators

What was I/am I

hoping for?

I see now, none of you

have anything I want.

It  lies in the heap

I sauntered  from.

I must learn to accept

softer truths now.

Ramblings

Haunted

Haunted
Mary Black Bonnet

Your body is used against you
until you don’t want it anymore.
They walk away
and you’re stuck
With remains and reminders you abhor,
but can’t unload.
As you walk down the street, lockstep
a painted smile on your face.

It will take years

to remove the smile,

Speak to parts

you’ve long abandoned.

Maybe they won’t return
and you consider
life without them.

The haunted soul
never stops hurting.