I have said this before, our bodies remember traumas that may not be at the forefront of our minds.
The anniversary is creeping up of Bruce’s death, a time of horrific sadness and trauma for me. One I haven’t fully integrated or dealt with as of yet. My hand is almost completely back to normal, but my heart still breaks for everything he was to me and sadly the tragic way in which I lost him.
To love such a powerful creature who both saved and terrorized me has left me with a dichotomy that is hard to integrate.
But as the days grow closer to that awful anniversary, my hand twinges now and again, and tears come out of nowhere pretty easily. One thing I have learned these two years later is that it’s okay, I need to let my tears fall and let my heart break so it can heal.
I loved him so incredibly deeply and he forever changed my life, he taught me things and healed me in ways no human could have.
I still have things to learn about it all and how to heal the deep soul trauma..but I’ll get there. And of course, the blessing being again, that I AM here, to have the time to get there
Red Steed and Little Orchid was supposed to debut at the Indigenous Writer’s festival and be available for sale. This, will not be happening, unfortunately. I took out the manuscript to work on the edits and there is still too much pain and healing that needs to happen. There are things that need to be said in there that I cannot yet say. So, since I cannot get it done in time, the book will not be available in June for sale. I’m very sorry, I know many people were looking forward to seeing it. However, I need to take it at my pace and I DO PROMISE you all, it WILL be finished. But I also need to take care of myself with this. I have come so far just in this last year.
If I had never had the Mighty Red Steed (Bruce) in my life to cross that treacherous path, I couldn’t have allowed myself to learn those lessons.
I will love him forever. But I’m okay and I’m sure he probably knows that.
Peace and Turtles,