maryblackbonnet.com

The Blathers….

I hate the  time change.  I know  I’m not alone in that, but I just needed to say it.

This is not going to be an interesting post,  but rather  a blathering one, because  it’s late and I can’t  shut my brain off.

There is stuff bugging me, but I can’t talk about it here because people  read this and what’s  bugging me is not for public  consumption.

I do have lots to say though dear readers. In work news, I’m happy to report my poem  for the Tapun Sa Win exhibit  is done!

I finished it and turned  it in last week. You won’t get to see it until the show, as I don’t release  that stuff to my audience  until after the show goes up.  This is a personal  choice. I do it out of respect  for the exhibit and because  I don’t want anything  leaked.

I am very grateful  to Tunkasila and the spirits for guiding my hand in the writing of this piece though. And I’m extremely  grateful to Craig and CAIRNS  for inviting  me to be a part of such a phenomenal and powerful event.  AGAIN.

I can hardly wait to see the show.  I’m going to try to go to the first opening, but it will depend on my travel plans.

I’ve also been asked to be a part of  the Black Hills  Indigenous  Writer’s  book festival  and have accepted, so I’ll be at that in June.  In July, the reception  for my portion of the exhibit happens.  Mine is the last section.  I have the last word again.  The irony  was not lost on any of us. Haha!

I’m so very blessed to have the life and career  that I do. Tunkasila and many wonderful humans  have never stopped  believing in me or my talent,  even when I was too wrapped up in my own sorrow  and fear to realize I needn’t be worried. I’m grateful  every day for this, and say prayers for such.

I’ve lost quite a few important  things these last three years, but gained a lot more. And I still wouldn’t  trade any of it for anything. I still miss Bruce terribly, but he’s in my heart, and honestly,  I think he’s somewhat in my daughter’s  puppy. I believe he knew how fierce my love for him was.

Anyway.  While I was visiting my parents, I was able to work on my fear of dogs because my mom’s dog is medium size, and a mix. I’ve known her since she was a puppy,  but still that fear creeps up without  warning or reason.  But I forced  myself to  play with her and be somewhat  vulnerable with her. And it helped a lot.

Though, that being said, when I went to visit my friend at work and her boxer came at us. I backed up to the door and shoved k outside (to keep her safe from the dog) it’s actually  pretty funny thinking about it now, but not when it happened.   The dog was fine and took right to me, plopping her boxer butt on my leg to be petted. I did let k back in, once I knew it was safe. Lol.  I don’t apologize for any of it, because it’s what I have to do to feel safe and take care of myself, and ultimately  k. She totally  gets it, having  been there when bruce attacked me.  She’s doing amazingly well considering  how traumatic  it must have been to see her mother attacked by a 90# doberman. But, I thibecause weause  we talked about it and it was always open for discussion and emotions when she needed  it.

I’m really proud of her. She’s such an amazing human being. Her very life essence honors me.

In other news I’m adjusting to  deaf life. The hearing aids work acceptably.  Its still a struggle to understand everything and I still can’t talk on the phone, but it is what it is. My family and close friends have been amazing and are willing to learn  sign language because I choose to have ASL as my mode of communication. My mother, and my sister  have  been  incredible through all this.

And my deaf friends have rallied around me in such loving  support. I’m so blessed.

There is so much more to say, but I’m finally tired and ready for sleep so I’m going to go for now.

If you made it to the end of this, you rock.

I am sorry for the wonky word spacing, I wrote it up on my phone and the spacing on there gets weird.

Night, peace and turtles, MBB

 

Enigma.
Powerful.
Sacred.
Lakota Winyan.
Cunksi’s Ina.

1 Comment

  1. Anonymous

    Thank you!

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