I hate the time change. I know I’m not alone in that, but I just needed to say it.
This is not going to be an interesting post, but rather a blathering one, because it’s late and I can’t shut my brain off.
There is stuff bugging me, but I can’t talk about it here because people read this and what’s bugging me is not for public consumption.
I do have lots to say though dear readers. In work news, I’m happy to report my poem for the Tapun Sa Win exhibit is done!
I finished it and turned it in last week. You won’t get to see it until the show, as I don’t release that stuff to my audience until after the show goes up. This is a personal choice. I do it out of respect for the exhibit and because I don’t want anything leaked.
I am very grateful to Tunkasila and the spirits for guiding my hand in the writing of this piece though. And I’m extremely grateful to Craig and CAIRNS for inviting me to be a part of such a phenomenal and powerful event. AGAIN.
I can hardly wait to see the show. I’m going to try to go to the first opening, but it will depend on my travel plans.
I’ve also been asked to be a part of the Black Hills Indigenous Writer’s book festival and have accepted, so I’ll be at that in June. In July, the reception for my portion of the exhibit happens. Mine is the last section. I have the last word again. The irony was not lost on any of us. Haha!
I’m so very blessed to have the life and career that I do. Tunkasila and many wonderful humans have never stopped believing in me or my talent, even when I was too wrapped up in my own sorrow and fear to realize I needn’t be worried. I’m grateful every day for this, and say prayers for such.
I’ve lost quite a few important things these last three years, but gained a lot more. And I still wouldn’t trade any of it for anything. I still miss Bruce terribly, but he’s in my heart, and honestly, I think he’s somewhat in my daughter’s puppy. I believe he knew how fierce my love for him was.
Anyway. While I was visiting my parents, I was able to work on my fear of dogs because my mom’s dog is medium size, and a mix. I’ve known her since she was a puppy, but still that fear creeps up without warning or reason. But I forced myself to play with her and be somewhat vulnerable with her. And it helped a lot.
Though, that being said, when I went to visit my friend at work and her boxer came at us. I backed up to the door and shoved k outside (to keep her safe from the dog) it’s actually pretty funny thinking about it now, but not when it happened. The dog was fine and took right to me, plopping her boxer butt on my leg to be petted. I did let k back in, once I knew it was safe. Lol. I don’t apologize for any of it, because it’s what I have to do to feel safe and take care of myself, and ultimately k. She totally gets it, having been there when bruce attacked me. She’s doing amazingly well considering how traumatic it must have been to see her mother attacked by a 90# doberman. But, I thibecause weause we talked about it and it was always open for discussion and emotions when she needed it.
I’m really proud of her. She’s such an amazing human being. Her very life essence honors me.
In other news I’m adjusting to deaf life. The hearing aids work acceptably. Its still a struggle to understand everything and I still can’t talk on the phone, but it is what it is. My family and close friends have been amazing and are willing to learn sign language because I choose to have ASL as my mode of communication. My mother, and my sister have been incredible through all this.
And my deaf friends have rallied around me in such loving support. I’m so blessed.
There is so much more to say, but I’m finally tired and ready for sleep so I’m going to go for now.
If you made it to the end of this, you rock.
I am sorry for the wonky word spacing, I wrote it up on my phone and the spacing on there gets weird.
Night, peace and turtles, MBB