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Heading into it….

The count down is on, three days to MN! Cunksi is so excited, she’s going to have SO much fun there! I have really awesome activities for her to do that will keep her busy and engaged. She’s seen me speak so many times, she gets to go be a kid and take advantage of all the fun affordable things to do in the cities. Making sure I saved money for her to have spending money was a vital part of my budget too.
I’m excited for the conference and for my workshop. Four months ago when Igot notified I was picked, it seemed so far away. And so much has happened in these four months but it’s finally here!! I’m really excited and looking forward to it! I won’t get nervous until 2:45…( I speak at three on the first day) but it’s just perfunctory nerves, happens every time right before I hit that stage. I don’t mind it, it keeps me grateful and grounded. Then I can relax an enjoy the rest of the conference.
This will be my first public appearance since all the horrific stuff has happened. It’s been a long two years and Sweets will be with me doing her Service dog job which helps me do this. A year ago I wouldn’t have agreed to do anything so huge. And a year ago I was willing to give up my career. I was ready to walk away from all of it and be a gas station worker. (omg..can you imagine) But I didn’t. Thanks to different members on Team Mary who put me back together, I’ve re-emerged and can get back to work. I’ve always been fiercely independent. (I’ve had to be, my childhood and my life dictated early that no one was safe or dependable) But the good thing about all the horrible things I went through these last two years is that I HAD to let some people in so they could help me. I would NOT have made it on my own. Well, I would have because of cunksi, but I’d have been a dented up mangled version of me. I will be forever grateful to the people who stepped in at the beginning and stayed with me for this whole time. And for sweets. (And Bruce, who got me through the first year after the rape) I am still a bit dented,but I’m not mangled heap huddled in the corner.
I’m going to be okay.

Enigma.
Powerful.
Sacred.
Lakota Winyan.
Cunksi’s Ina.